A Walk In The Woods

We decided to take advantage of this amazing January weather, and took the boys to Ernie Miller today. As a young girl I can remember my dad taking us hiking just about every weekend. As a teenager, I can remember being less than happy about being drug out of bed at the crack of dawn, only to then love every minute of my time with my parents. Even if I'd never let them know it. (Teenage girls suck) I doubt my mom and dad realize how much I cherish those memories, but my weekends in the Shenandoah Mountain Valley are some of my all time favorites. 

Today, I got to start that tradition with my boys. It was magical. We took a walk through the little nature museum at the park, then it was off to the trails. My boys walked along being perfect little boys and doing things little boys do. They picked up sticks, ate leaves (yes, ate), and ran through the sun filled woods. It was the best Sunday I have ever had. 

When I was suffering with the worst of my post partum anxiety, my therapist gave me some advice. And, like the memories from my childhood, I cherish it. It is quite possibly the best advice I have ever gotten. When I was at my worst with my overwhelming anxiety, I never felt like I was "in the moment." My therapist suggested to help with that I take time every hour, or when I'm doing something I know is significant, and think about what I see, feel, smell, and hear. She said to take a minute to take a deep breath and make a mental note of everything around me. 

Today, I took that great advice and enjoyed thoroughly, my day with my boys. I smelled the clean air, saw the sun breaking through the trees and lighting up our wonderful little family. I saw my perfect boys experience things for the first time, like trail walking with sticks and a swing on a vine. I felt the heaviness of my perfect chunky baby on my chest as we walked, the cold clammy hand of my fearless two year old as he tromped along with his hand in mine. I heard the chatter of my boys talking about all the great things they were finding in the woods, and the excitement in Rex's voice as they named the fish we saw. 

Today I got to fully experience my family, fully enjoy my boys and my husband. I got to be completely "in the moment," and it was GRAND!!! 

                Sticks are awesome!

           OD was having a good time!

           "Dad, What's In That Hole?"

          My Handsome Little Explorers

I have always known that I am blessed. That we as a family, are blessed to have each other. Days like today just make it that much more evident how blessed we are. I am so grateful to be able to have days like this. 

God Bless The Robertsons

I wasn't sure I wanted to write this. But, then I realized I needed too. I really can not stand that one group of people uses words like bigot, and racist to try and control the speech and beliefs of others. So,  here is my two cents. Take it for what it is worth.

This whole Phil Robertson spectacle is getting under my skin, in a bad way. I have always been a proud American, we live in a super awesome country folks. It was founded on religious freedom. FOR EVERYONE!!! Phil's religion does not condone, promote or pretend to turn a blind eye to homosexuality. Those are his beliefs, which, thanks to the freedom of speech we are all supposed to enjoy in this country, he has a right to voice. Phil was merely answering a question. If someone asked you, “Do you like bacon?” I am sure you would emphatically defend whatever stance you have on the meat. I myself, love me some bacon. And if you asked me, I'd shout it from the mountain tops.

I am not sure everyone has read word for word what Mr. Robertson said, but he in no way was calling out for the lynch mobs to round up. Regardless of how you feel about homosexuals or transgendered people, in support or against, it is your opinion. You are protected in this country, under our Constitution to have that opinion and voice it as such.

My problem with A&E dumping Phil for his answer to the question he was asked, is this, They knew his beliefs when they started the show. Make no mistakes, I believe that if A&E wishes to not continue a show in which one of its title personalities believes homosexuality is wrong, they have the right to do that. Again, a benefit of the great country we live in. My problem is they knew Phil's faith was strong, his family's faith together was stronger. They knew this amazing, wonderful, loving family LIVES their faith, talks their faith, walks their faith, and yes, preaches their FAITH. A&E knew all of this, made it a central part of their show, and is now having a change of heart and trying to separate themselves from The Robertsons. That is wrong. They are making it look like what Phil said was somehow wrong, somehow dirty and shameful.

I am writing to show my support for Phil, his beautiful family and the faith that they share. No, that does not make me a hate monger, or a homophobe. I personally do not care where you stick your whose its and whats its. But, because of my faith I don't agree with it. I don't force that on people, because it is not my business. And, as Phil said, it isn't up to any of us to judge. There are people in this world speaking out in much more public forums, saying much more disturbing things, and no one bats an eye. No one calls them to the carpet, and they never lose their job. If you'd like the right to be gay, bisexual, or paint your hair purple, than you need to extend that right to Christians, and allow them to voice an assertion based on the teachings of the Bible.

It's a scary world we live in. And you can call me a judgmental snot, or whatever you want. But, I truly believe that the more you remove God and his teachings from our society, the scarier it becomes.

Awesome God

Rex has been going to a Luthren preschool for the past few months, and he is loving it. He loves his teacher Mrs. Trug, sometimes I think more than he loves me. He loves his classroom, the playground and learning about Jesus. We have been trying to do the best we can to introduce him to God and our Faith. But, to be honest, I'm not great at it. I barely know anything myself, so teaching him his tough. I'm trying to learn so I can help him on this journey but it is slow going to say the least. That is okay with me, I know I'll get there eventually. But, because I don't feel properly equipped to lead him, I'm very grateful we have the opportunity and means to send him to this wonderful preschool. I'm also very grateful that he loves it so much. 

Besides being a safe environment he can go to twice a week to have something that is all his, make friends and learn.  It is a place with people who are able to teach him about God and faith. Rex loves this. They gave him his own little Bible book with short Bible stories geared toward kids his age. We read it before bed and he calls it his "Jesus book." It's fun for him, and I think that is how it should be. Fun and exciting, the perfect way to get a toddler wanting to learn more. 

Lately Rex has been asking a lot of tough questions that quite frankly, scare me. I am not ready to talk about Death with my three year old. Not just Death, but his death. Rex would like to know when he will die and "get to be with God." I can't answer that any other way than, "Rex God has blessed us and made us healthy and happy so that you can stay here and be with mommy and daddy and your brothers for a long time." This is of course followed by many questions about why and how long he'll be here with us. As scary as it is for me to think about my baby, my first born angel going to "be with God", how awesome are these questions? How awesome is it that my little boy is so pure, so without fear, and so excited to meet God? He doesn't understand that for him to meet God, something horrible would have to happen. He doesn't understand that in order for him to be with God, he'd have to be without his family. He just knows that God loves him. He tells me almost daily that God loves him, and Abe and Oscar and mommy & daddy. God through a child's eyes and understanding is probably the most awesome thing I've ever seen. Even if it scares the jeepers out of me to think about my baby meeting God. 

Rex Kent I love your heart and especially your mind. You are one of the most amazing little boys in this world, and I hope your Faith and Love for God stays this pure. I also hope and pray you have a very long wait until the day you meet your awesome God. 

Anxiety, Meet Baby #3

After having Rex, we were at a routine well baby visit when the doctor suggested that maybe I was experiencing some post partum depression, and suggested I speak to my doctor about it. I was insulted, I was pissed. I'm not sure why, but I just knew that I was not Depressed. I was a little weepy, but my hormones were plummeting, my baby was colicky and I was sleep deprived. I was not depressed. 

Turns out I was right, I wasn't depressed, I was anxious. I was full of anxiety over the new bundle of joy, and spent most of my time worrying about all the catastrophic things that could happen to him. I freaked out if I couldn't get the house cleaned properly each day, and spent a lot of my time wound up. It wasn't diagnosed then however. It wasn't until 12 months later after the birth of sweet little Abraham that I figured it out. I had developed some pretty severe OCD tendencies that all centered around the boy's stuff. From bottles and cups, to toys and puzzles, I was insane. Every piece that belonged to an item had to accompany it. If I lost a bottle cap, Lord have mercy. That bottle would be on its way to the trash bin if said bottle cap wasn't located ASAP. It was exhausting. It was probably frustrating as hell for my husband, though he never let on. (He's awesome) 

So, I decided to see a therapist, and was immediately diagnosed with Post Partum Anxiety. It was nice to know I wasn't alone, I wasn't crazy and all this insane behavior had a name. But it didn't make me hate it any less. I wasn't interested in taking anti anxiety medication, I wanted to be all natural with treatment. Boy was I a dummy. I took Zoloft, then decided it wasn't for me, went the natural 5HTP route and felt much better. Not perfect by any means, but I wasn't drowning anymore. I still had a fair amount of anxiety about the house and boys, but it was manageable and my OCD had all but taken a hike. 

Fast forward to my third pregnancy. In the last few months I knew I didn't ever want to feel as stressed out and utterly helpless as I had after Abe was born. This time I would be prepared, I would enjoy every minute of having a new baby in the house. So I saw my therapist, started Zoloft again, and prepared for the arrival of sweet baby Oscar. I started the Zoloft about 2 weeks before he was set to arrive and it has been the best decision I have made yet as a mother. That person that couldn't stand to just sit on the couch with her first two children, now naps comfortably with arms wrapped tightly around her baby boy. I regularly choose nap with baby over bottle cleaning, laundry and bed making. It is glorious. I may be a little messier now, we may be left worrying 5 minutes before dinner needs to be on the table what on earth we will cook, but I am happier. I am zen. The hub's frustration may now be that I'm a slob, I don't really know.   I doubt it, but even if he is frustrated with his wife that is less than gung-ho to clean, o-well. This lady is loving her time with her babies now. And cherishing every minute, taking it all in. I will not be left feeling like O's first year was a blur, and I am so thankful for that. I wish I had known all of this before Rex was born, I'd have started my medicine before he arrived and maybe I'd feel less like I failed him in that first year. At least now I have the opportunity and a clear head to make up for it. I can be with all three of my boys and really enjoy my time. And that is an amazing blessing. 

Mommy/Baby Naptime. It's my favorite. 

New Blog, For The New Crazy

I've decided to start a new blog. People were saying it was hard to get into my links because of all the security on the old blog. I don't want to delete that blog, because all of those memories are important to me. So, here we have a new a blog, for all our new crazy. I will just be a little more thoughtful with what I share. I.E., no naked baby bathtub pics, or anything else that will further gain displeasure amongst the tribe I'm raising. I already know one day the three of them will rise against me, I don't need to give them more ammo. I'm just left praying that day isn't anytime soon.

However, this morning it seemed as though that day was today. We had a bad morning. I'm not talkin' "Oh man my kids are being kind of a pain." I'm talkin', "I now officially have a migraine and want to bury my head in this pillow until the yelling stops," kind of morning. Mommy has been very short on "mommy" time since #3 arrived. (No one to blame but myself there) I'm not complaining, I'm just saying, I wanted to dye my damn grey hairs and put some make-up on freshly cleaned skin for once. So I pushed the envelope. I dyed my hair. I took a shower. I made a stinkin' mess. Word to the wise, foam hair dye is made by a man named Lucifer in a factory called hell. This stuff is all over my bathroom, on every piece of white wood from the bathroom door to the shower floor. It's on my 2 year olds feet. It's on my feet. It's on my forehead. It is even on my chin and ears. It ain't goin' anywhere. 

So between that epic fail, and all the screaming, I needed quiet. So I put all 3 boys in the car and started driving. (Am I the only person that straps their kids in car seats and starts driving just so they can get a minute of peace? I sure hope not) So that's what I did, I drove. And then, I realized that in my frenzied state I think I forgot to close the garage door. So back by the house we went. Garage Door Closed? Yes. Okay, to McDonald's we go. Finally the drive thru. I'm about to be rescued by bad chicken nuggets, greasy fries and 25 cent toys. Order placed, at the window to pay, no wallet. Damn. Back to the house we go. Nope no wallet there. Back to the van we go, yep, been there the whole time. Back to McDonalds. This is now the third time I have driven by the construction crew behind my house. I'm sure they think I'm certifiable. 

Finally back to McDonalds, where I finally have food for the screaming children behind me. You'd think after all that I'd be done, ready to hang up the towel. But not me, I decided to push the envelope even further and go to WalMart. Only, at WalMart my sweet boys were sweet boys. They listened, they helped and they took bribes. A very important part of my parenting strategy. There is nothing I can't get those boys to do for a dum dum. And while at WalMart I was reminded of something. Even on our worst days, it could always be way worse. (This revelation was reached upon seeing two parents struggle with their 8 insane children) My boys are happy, they fill my heart with love everyday. (Even if they've spent the morning trying to drain the life out of me) They are a little crazy yes, but they are happy. I am happy, and more importantly, we are all healthy. I have what a lot of people dream of, but may never have. It's important to keep that in mind, especially on days like today.